Sunday, December 18, 2011

Ruminations (A Monologue)


Charles Hinckley

SETTING: Eternity, so a blank space.

TIME: Here and now.

CHARACTER: MAX, a young man in his early twenties.

(A Black stage. The sound of wind whips through. Then silence. Lights slowly begin to rise. MAX a young man, is alone on stage. He pulls a bag of chocolate chip cookies from behind his back. He considers the audience, puts the bag of cookies on the floor, D.S.C. in an offering to them.)

MAX: When I was about ten, I told my mother I didn’t think it was fair what God had done; in the world, about the world and to the people of the world. I didn’t get it the whole Catholic notion of things. I mean, okay, I’m ten and say I’m God, and I’m gonna create a bunch of beings in my image…why would I do that? What could possibly be the purpose of God making things in his image and then telling them, you can’t do this and you BETTER do that or else you’re gonna fry? Well, “because he was lonely.” Really? God was lonely? For goodness sakes, Mother, God is lonely?…Then what chance do I have? In a new school. With all those kids. Who don’t like new kids. I’m the geek! The queer! The faggot new kid! What’s the point again? He made us for WHAT? “He created you because he loves you.” Okay, he loved me before he created me, or he loved the notion of me? Me, with all these…imperfections? And sin? He didn’t have to create sin did he? That’s where I started to veer off into uncharted Catholic territory. That’s where my logic says. Well, yin and yang. I knew about yin and yang from TV. Don’t ask me where I saw it. But the notion that you can’t have good without the bad, right? Okay, so that’s part of the order of the world, right? The orderliness of it. Can’t have hot without cold, night without day, cruelty without kindness…So, it’s set up so you can if you WANT. I mean if you WANT, you can turn BAD. Some people choose to go that way. Right? BAD. WHY? I don’t know. What’s the point of that? As a Catholic, the only reasoning you can have is THE BAD people, they want to see how close to death they can get, have as much BAD FUN as they can get until that day when they turn around and say, shit! I’m dying, I better go good or when I die I may go to hell, and that’s forever, and ever, and ever…The ten commandments, right? Break em and you’re gone. And you’re not just gonna fry till you’re crispy brown, but fry for all eternity. A timeless echo of pain wracking your being forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever…until. Oh, wait, there’s no until. It just goes on and on and on…I’m ten years old and I'm in bed at night thinking about this. I’m ten years old and I’m thinking about eternity and heaven and hell. And eternity. What is THAT? Eternity? How can I grasp it? How can anyone grasp it? It’s forever, and ever and ever, and ever, ever, ever…an echo that never ends. I’d get a flash of panic run right through me and I’d sit up in bed, suck in a deep breath and freeze! Sweat dripping down my nose. I’d roll over and dwell on it. Oh my God! I can’t go there! I can’t suffer FOREVER! Just change the subject! Change it! So, I’d think of something else. Something not so MYSTERIOUS. Sex was always a good change of subject. Or my notion of what sex was at the time. I still had visions of women attached to strange and incomprehensible contraptions hidden in the ladies room, wondering what they wore under all those clothes, with straps and harnesses due to the times when they had their period…whatever that was. Strange and wonderful creatures women were. As mysterious as all eternity, but not as vexing…So I’m ten and in bed and my mind is racing between eternity, and the mystery of women, eternity, the mystery of women…Some nights I’d roll around for hours sweating in my little PJ’s.
So God made me in his image. Then there must be some remnants of God still in me right? Which part? “The good part,” my mother would say. Well, that’s fine with me. WE each have a sliver of goodness in us. I like that thought. I like that a lot. Kind of like the chocolate chip part in cookies. The good parts just waiting and pop out and be appreciated. So, that’s the way I look at it.

(He holds a cookie above his head with both hands, then brings it down to his mouth.)

WE all have that good part just waiting to be appreciated. And if you find it in someone, let them know, hey, a part of you is deliciously good, good as can be. Just like a chocolate chip cookie.

(MAX smiles as

lights slowly fade.

The wind is heard

Only the bag of cookies is in a soft pool of light.

Fade to black.)

The End

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